Nov 19, '11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg33ahIoOVY&feature=related

I've been getting increasingly saddened by the recent police violence.

When I was young, I wanted to help people. Wanted to be a police officer. If I had made it (my heart wasn't strong enough, physically), I'm sure I would have quit because of the police actions against peaceful protesters.

http://youtu.be/WmJmmnMkuEM

I'm still moving from one apartment to the other. Still horrendously busy because of it. I really hate moving.

On a side note, I've noticed that the facebook access to my thoughts and other people's thoughts, are really invasive. I really don't care to see how many of my friends are bored, or have passed their math tests. Some statuses do interest me, but for the most part, about 80% don't. Other than the major learning factor, and a minor in entertainment, computers and other tv type communication, is really starting to annoy me.

Michel Daw wrote:


Seneca likewise recommended self observation in the form of making a daily review of ourselves. Each night as we retire for the evening we should put these questions to ourselves: What bad habit have you cured today?, What fault have you resisted?, In what respect are you better? Seneca suggests that our sleep will be more tranquil, having 'sifted' through the whole day and admonished or praised ourselves appropriately. The practice of having to answer for that day's behavior will help us stay mindful and hold up in our continuous effort to make progress.



As I am continually working on my customer service, I believe I am consistantly resisting the urge to tell my clients what I think about their petty problems. I'm not even using my passive aggressive comments. At least, not out loud.

1) Put thought into what form your journal will take. I originally had a small notebook, but later moved to the notebook app on my smartphone because the convenience of it made it easier to always have nearby, and since I always have my phone, I could easily review it each day. Think about what will work best for you in the long run.

2) Ask: What were my most significant failures today in my spiritual practice?

3) Ask: Did I perform all the regular practices I planned to?

4) Ask: Did the traits I am trying to cultivate hold up under the day's events? (think specifically through the events of the day and if you performed as you'd preferred)

5) Ask: What did I do right and where did I make progress? (it is important to look for things to praise as well)

6) Ask: What do I plan to do tomorrow that will further improve my habits and my spiritual practice? (these might be disciplines, better adherence to practices, read/study more, work harder, better mindfulness or things such as being more compassionate, considerate, or being kinder in demeanor, and more)

7) The next morning, re-read your previous night's entry. You will be surprised how well it helps you reset your focus and stay on the path. If you need to, read it again later in the day too.

Nov 01 '11

Oct 25, '11

I've dipped low in my normal cycle. So for the past week haven't felt like doing anything productive.

Usually I'm in complete control of my emotions. Having emotions is what we all share. Me losing control makes me feel weak. I hate that. I punched a hole through the drywall the other day. I allowed my anger to over rule my thoughts. Haven't done that since I was a kid.

So low cycle, stress of us moving (within next two weeks), and my own wife's cycle (altered due to the meds she takes), built up. I fixed the hole. I am damn good at what I do. That's not the point.

It's just yet another sign of my changing mental thought process, as I age.

Oct 18, '11

Weekend was really busy. One very important thing I learned. Well, two really. One was, if you have a gps, for geocaching, use it to mark where you parked, before you go into the woods.

Two, I don't have to be an asshole to everyone :)

So for the past two days, in my building, I've gotten stuck in the elevator. Not a big thing. I just wish they'd fix the elevators, totally. They spend money on them, piece by piece, but not all at once. They way they are, the techs are always trying to mesh new parts with old. A hard job. We had the door locks, for the elevators changed last year. Approx 300k just for my building. So, it comes down to money. Which sucks, when I'm stuck in the elevator.

I haven't been pondering much lately.

Oct 10, 2011

Hmm. Thanksgiving. Many different thoughts, so we're just going to roll with it ...

I am still working, and my wife left me ... to visit her mom. A friend of mine brought me Thanksgiving dinner from where she works. So I had a nice dinner. Quiet, but nice.

I am not sure what I have extra to be thankful for. Tis the season to be thankful, I'm told. Well, Sherrie bought me a used, but efficient, net book for our anniversary. It is coming up this Friday. The net book also has a camera in it, so it will make my online stoic courses a bit easier. I don't have to keep borrowing others' laptops.

I'm thankful for Sherrie, keeping me grounded, not as a ground, but I have to make sure that I'm her ground or anchor. We've been together since 2000. Strangely enough, we met on an online dating site. I had been broken up with my past girlfriend for a few years, and pretty much had given up on the dating scene. It just happened one day, and we've been together since.

We were married in 2005, Oct 14th. We were going to get married on Halloween, but it's my mom's anniversary, and HER birthday. I know I'm a momma's boy, I just don't want to share too much stuff with her :D

So anyway, it is just a coincidence that a couple of my friends from Cambridge are coming up, and having a stop over in Ottawa on Friday. We're taking them out for dinner. When I turned 40, it was nothing special. I spent the night at home. Sherrie was in the hospital, and I was working. It was a Saturday evening. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, other than my workmate taking the on call responsibility every few hours so I could visit Sherrie.

So that being said, I'm thankful that Sherrie will be hale, and we will be entertaining guests on our anniversary. Also for, Chewie. He's a great dog. Makes Sherrie happy. And thankful that I try to keep my karma balance in check.

Oct 09, 2011

Today, I was on call (started my on call on Friday). Since I woke up, I was running between emergencies. I had breakfast around 2:30pm. Supper was around 7pm. I didn't get to start my regular cleaning and such, until after 5pm. Normally, my regular stuff gets done between 8am-12pm. It was just crazy busy.

One of three weeks, I am on call. 17 weeks of the year, I am on call. I look at it as, I work 40 hours a week, and then 1 of 3, weeks, I pay my rent with labour. I won't get into the specifics here. Labour often allows me to think clearly. Today, I was just in reaction mode. No conscious thought required.

So today, I don't have much to say. It has taken me about 20 minutes to get this far.

More tomorrow. Oh, I don't bother to label my posts. I am more anonymous with out being tagged.

Oct 07, 2011

http://gawker.com/5847344/what-everyone-is-too-polite-to-say-about-steve-jobs

Okay, that's over with, now to my thoughts.

Happy Turkey Day. You should be thankful everyday for the gods who blew life into your clay bodies. Be thankful for the wind spirits who help you wick away your sweat, as you try to contribute to society. Be thankful for Apollo who guides your day, and warms your skin. Be thankful for the Crone, as she hides your shadow, when you hunt for food.

Even be thankful for the faerie who find your keys, when you are in a rush.

Oct 06, 2011

I think the hobby of geo-caching is quite addictive.

This is my last night of freedom (for 7 days, due to my going on call), so I wanted to go an get at least 2 caches. Even though I was waiting for the Daws to come over and play in the "Library", I figured I'd be able to get at least 1. Michel called, and we rescheduled for after the holiday weekend. No harm, no foul.

Call it Urban Exploring, or a Treasure Hunt, or whatever, it is still a fun pastime. Remember those "Find 8 Differences" cartoons in the newspaper, years and years ago? It is very similar. You go to a gps posted location, and you look for something out of place. Hard to do, when you haven't seen the before picture before the after picture.

I found 4 of 6, the last two I wasn't able to see, since the sun went down an hour prior. That makes 127 finds since I started in August. See: http://www.geocaching.com/ and search for GumbyGern.

In this 'game' you can relive your victories, by listing the previously found listings. I'm not a sports person, nor a jock. Didn't play sports when I was in school, or was part of any team really. However, I feel good seeing my posts/logs written and my pictures I've taken, while I've been caching. Every cache out there was placed by a person. My logs (unless the cache was crap), thanks the person for bringing me to that one spot, to see what they see. http://www.geocaching.com/seek/cache_details.aspx?guid=486eea18-fdf2-4258-a7ab-b37a46db5725 In this one I was able to see the sun set, while on a hill, in Nepean (off Courtwood cres). I'm not sure if you'll be able to see it. I use a Gumby figurine as my avatar.

Every time someone posts a log, for that one cache, the owner gets an email, telling them what the person said. I think it's cool that I can have fun, and be able to add a good word to someone without even going out of my way, to be nice. Not sure how to say that, but sometimes one positive email can make someone's day better, for a minimal effort.

Plus I like the 'hunt'.

Oct 02-03. 2011

While traveling with one of the geo-cachers, he mentioned along the lines of you cannot judge a book by it's covers. I know that, but it occurred to me, that maybe he thought I was being judgemental. I'll have to rethink some of my 'aires'. I am blissfully unaware of my outward appearance.

I'll have to think some more.

Sept 30 and Oct 01, 2011

Friday was busy at work. But I got things done.

Saturday, I went to the states, to get food and clothes (mostly for Sherrie), then back to Ottawa, and visited with my sister. I met her new beau, and was told to be on my best behaviour. Which I was, but wasn't comfortable. But she was okay with it, so that's all that matters.

Tomorrow I'm leaving early to go to Oka, and some surrounding area, for two geo caching events. So, I'm getting my tools ready, and then getting ready for bed. Gotta be up and out before I normally wake up. I'll be picked up by a guy I don't respect. All in all, he's a normal guy, who is almost twice my age. Well, not really, but he acts it. I'd say he's only 20 years older than me, but I'm 40, and he behaves like I'm 10. Whatever. The trip is for me, and not about him. He's just helping me get there, and back. It's all good.

More, maybe tomorrow.

Sept 27, '11

Well I can feel my cycle dipping low again. Seems like it is cycling about every 3 weeks now. I don't really have anything to write when I'm feeling this way.

Work was work. Nothing spectacular happened. I fixed some stuff, and deferred to contractors the other stuff. Still trying to figure out how to make my eTrex understand it has a memory card, and for the info stored on it IS accessible. Downloading mapsource, maybe that will help.

Sherrie arranged for me to get a netbook for $50. That will be cool for me to take when I go geocaching. Am looking forward to that.

That's about it.

Sept 26, 2011

Found out today I have a doppleganger. But he's an ugly buck. But I'm told he gets peoples' goats, and is sarcastic.

Weird.


A very busy day today, but I did sign my new lease. Transfer date is Dec 1, 2011. But that's on paper. As soon as the unit is ready, I'm moving in.

Picked up 3 caches, and the first stage of a multi. Not a bad day, just really busy. Still trying to figure out my GPSr.

Cacher weekend

Okay, www.geocaching.com, and www.canadascapitalcachers.com are two places I regularly go to for playing the game, and info. Yesterday I spent the day from Petawawa to Pembroke seeking caches with 3 other people. It was a lot of fun.

I really didn't have time to even think. I woke up at 6am, met some people for breakfast at Al's Dinner (on Clyde), and then 3 of them met me at my building (as I dropped off my car), and then drove me to Petawawa.

While we were driving there, I was thinking that this could be the start of a thriller movie. But it wasn't. It was a lot of fun.

So, after 48 caches later, my found number is at 90 now. Pretty much after that, I spent a couple hours logging my finds, and went to bed.

Today, it was pretty much just a blase day. I woke up. Had breakfast 'round 10am. We went out for lunch, to Denny's. Shopped a bit at Ikea - just window shopping. Came home and just did fluffy stuff around the house.

It was refreshing to just do some physical stuff on Saturday.

Sept 22, 11. Mid life

I figure I'm going through my midlife crisis. I think like an adolescent about 90% of the day. Fortunately, I still have common sense, and don't act on my impulses. But I will have to keep myself in check. I wonder if my stamina is the same, as it was 25 years ago :D

I've been noticing the mental changes, for the past three years. However, it has only been a month or so, that I've been aware of my changing thought patterns. The thoughts are mostly stupid fantasies. I interact with many people during the day, and it is not conductive for me to be so distracted. So, I keep myself as active as possible, to prevent my mind from being idle. The thoughts become more prevailing when I feel my mental cycle dip low. I do suffer from depression, and have worked out my cycles. I know not to do anything rash when my cycle is low. Even when my cycle is on a high, I still have the capacity to figure out all the options, not just the apparent ones.

Sept 12, 11

I think I left my journal at the campsite.

But on a lighter note, I was able to upload cache http://coord.info/GC33BR3. One of my hobbies is Geocaching, and this is the second 'Hide'.

Sept 09-11, 11

Gone camping - I'll think when I come back.

By the way, I prefer the forest, instead of the city.

Sept 08, 11

I've noticed when I'm at work, I've developed a 'zone'. I follow orders, do exactly as told, and no longer have to think about my actions. My bosses have always told me that I was hired to be a free thinker, however, when I do think outside normal parameters I am often shot down, and made to feel ashamed. I suspect it is just a human way of others to feel better about themselves to cut someone else apart. I don't bother with the possible hurt anymore, I just do what is needed, and move on.

Thank goodness I have hobbies, otherwise I'd become a robot.

Sept 07, 11

My mind is too active, giving me insomnia.

Sept 06, 11

I chose to step out of my comfort zone, and joined an online discussion group. The main topic for the next year, or so, is to explore Stoa.

I might talk a lot, online or in person, but I try to keep my true ideas/thoughts private. Anything that happens in my life, that requires thought, I will think about over the course of a week. I do this so I can focus on what is in front of me, projects or work, instead of spending my valuable time moping about the future or past.

Here's a cut & paste of a stoic premise I agree with:

The Stoic Pagan

Standing on the side watching the Hedonists dance the night away are the Stoic Pagans. The Greek Philosopher Zeno developed a philosophy that demanded a high moral character. Ethics and a modern sense of chivalry guide the Stoics in their quest for truth and right. These are the folks that would never miss a Renaissance Festival even it was held in the midst of a raging storm. For the Ren Fest exemplifies a time of grandeur, heroism, and a sense of duty and honor that the Stoic craves. The Stoics tend to be a quiet and serious lot but they can be depended on for most anything. (Anything that does not go against their high principles, that is.) The Stoics live for that moment, however small, when they can save the day. They are the priestly knights who ride in on their mighty steeds. For this reason, they love to help others - especially through divination and healing. This is not to say that all Stoics are classic sourpusses. Deep inside they may have a strong sense of fun and frolic. It’s just that they wait for the proper time and occasion to let themselves be open in frivolous.

For the entire article go to http://www.shanddaramon.com/articles/personalities.html

I prefer to be alone in my frivolity.